Give me a sign

I have grown up heavily involved in my own faith. I went to a private catholic school for the majority of my elementary schooling and walked myself and my brother to church every Sunday with out a parent from the time I was allowed to cross the street by myself. There have only been two events that have ever interrupted my faith. The first was the death of my best friend. She was in my brother grade but the only girl my age that went to church. I remember when she entered the 6th grade she was allowed to attend youth group. During our annual spaghetti dinner she got an incline pump she was so excited it offered her so much freedom she was wearing a dress I helped her tape it to her stomach in the back seat of her dad's van. The following fall was our youth group retreat we begged her dad non stop for countless Sundays to allow her to go he finally broke down and agreed on one condition I had to keep an eye on her. I walked to her house so her dad could explain everything I needed to know..I remember they had just got new carpet I had to take off my shoes the carpet was really soft.. He explained that she had been having troubles with her pump so if she became bitchy or incoherent it was because she had either not gotten enough meds or had gotten to many he then told me that a juice box would fix the problem.We went to the retreat and had so much fun I even got her to go off the screamer with me which is a 60 canyon that you drop down into on a bungy swing. The following fall I went into highschool we went to another retreat but I was late I had a foot ball game to cheer at when I got there I ran up to Melissa she walked away from me in a daze something was wrong I sat down next to her gave her some juice and watched her slowly come back to reality no one else had noticed something was wrong. over the next year and half Melissa became very depressed girls at school wear mean to her but she would finally becoming to high school we could finally hang out all the time...Thats when her dad announced they would be moving to pueblo we were depressed she moved school started . I was sitting in Spanish class the teacher was also our Sunday school teacher she said to me hey Sarah can you come see me after class. Melissa had died in her sleep from and incline over dose .. the pump still wasn't working... My heart literally broke.. I couldn't believe that the god both of us had believed in would do such a thing I refused to go to church. I didn't return to church till then middle of my Senior year when her brother came and asked me to go with him to the Christmas service he told me that this is what she would want so I reconnected. It didn't last long as I was leaving for college they told us that my dad wouldn't make it and there wasn't anything they could do for him I went to church on rare occasions but made no real effort to go. Then my dad died this year the last time I spoke to him was my birhday he told me good bye and died two days later. I thought to my self why would god do this he hasn't got to see his grandson he hasn't got to see me get married he hasn't got to see me graduate its not fair. Sitting a red light just a block away from work I looked over to my left ST James Episcopal church, there are only 2 Episcopal Churches in the valley and I have been driving past this one for months and never noticed till that day I took it as a sign and I went this last Sunday. Me and Matthew sat in the back he made a friend a 11 month old girl who stole his binki and made him laugh for an our straight. I made a friends with this little girls mother and although I am still sad I am no longer mad and alot happier that I am back.
♥Sarah